is your mom at the bar?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize