are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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