how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
