I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
