I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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