why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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