You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
