who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
