That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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