Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
