Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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