I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
