He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
