well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
