I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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