Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize