Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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