I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
