i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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