Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
