He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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