Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
