Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize