Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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