My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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