Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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