I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
