Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
