I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
