it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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