I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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