just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
