Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We are all done wearing pants today
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize