If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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