she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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