you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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