just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
