nut hugger
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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