I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize