I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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