She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
