At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
