Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She's the barista slut.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
