im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
