I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
