I think i peed on brittanys purse
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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