I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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