i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
