Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
