She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
