her vagine was all disorganized.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
