Kareoke will never be a sober sport
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
