using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want her autograph on my taint
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
