I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
