K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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