Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
