Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
