I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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