She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
