one two three fourrrrnication!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
