If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
