My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
