They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
