I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize