Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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