we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
