There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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