theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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