Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
