just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
