My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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